A truly religous experience

I think the godess of anorexia really is paying attention.  A number texted me out of nowhere yesterday and said that they're an expert in training girls to be skinny and perfect.  I'm going to call him Jack.  From the second he texted me I knew it was a sign. only days earlier I was praying to God knows who (no pun intended), asking for a couple things.  It sounds crazy but every single thing I asked for, I got.  Granted I didn't ask for big things, but that's not how it works. 
For example, I had lost my wallet on saturday night.  I spent the whole weekend searching the entire house, called my work, my friends, everybody.  That night, I prayed that my wallet would be somewhere obvious and the next morning I had a text from my friend that a different friend had it and just forgot to tell me... Hmm.  There was one really important thing I asked for though.  I asked whoever was listening, to help me get to 112 lbs by sasquatch (which is next thursday).  I wasn't doing well, and less than a week later I get the text from this mystery man.
He's honestly pretty aggressive, but what would you expect?  That's what it takes.  Only about ten texts in he called me a bitch.  I have to say, that took me by surprise.  I've never been called a bitch before in my life.  But he must know eveything there is to know about weight loss so I hope he'll train me.  That what he calls it. Training.  I'm going to be trained to be perfect (Hopefully).  And if he says yes, i'll be writing in this a lot more because I'll be losing weight like how I intended to in the first place.  And I'll have a lot more to talk about, because when you're speaking with God, You'll have a thing or two to talk about.  I swear he could read my mind.  OH MY GOD I NEED HIS TRAINING.
I find it weird that he texted me, and now I'm desperate for him.  He'll tell me soon if he'll train me or not, and I'll tell whoever hasn't lost interest in my blog.

P.S.  I think I'm moving to LA instead of San Fran.  It's what I wanted in the first place.

I fail at everything

    This is going to be one of those self loathing, I hate myself kind of days so be prepared...
    I started off this morning with an invitation for breakfast from my mom.  Awesome.  Don't know what I was thinking, but I said ok.  My brother just got back from college so he came along too.  The idiot that I am ate a mushroom swiss omlette.  But all was well still.  Everyone was in a good mood, and my mom and I were being civil.  Then she says we can get clothes at Ross, (so she can buy clothes, but wont pay child support?) but I didn't care, that was nice of her to offer.  Then we go back to her house because I need to do some graduation stuff, everyones still in a good mood, and she shows us some special skis, ski boots, and ski skins that she's thinking about buying... cool mom thanks for that.  I'm glad now that summers almost here, that you find ski equipment more important than child support that she claims is too much, which even if we were a lower middle class family, it would probably not be too much. 
     I'm pretty excited about this whole San Francisco thing, so naturally I've been talking about it a lot.  Every single person that I've talked to it about with is very excited for me and is telling me how much fun it's going to be, and how much adventure I'll have.  That is everybody except for one person... My mom.  Rather than talk abut how much fun it'll be,  she's just saying how expensive it will be even "if" I get a job.  Like I didn't plan on getting a job the second I was able.  She says stuff like "It'll be fun if you can afford it", and "I support you going out there IF you have a job", how stupid does she honestly think I am?  Does she not register in her uncomprehending mind when I tell her that yes, I do know how expensive it is; and no, I haven't been 6 years old for quite some time, so I do understand the concept of a competitive job market and that's exactly what I've been planning for?  Why doesn't she get that I'm not a completely incompetant imbecile?  Being around that kind of attitude makes me so upset.  For once in my entire life, I'd really truly enjoy being told by the people in my family that I can do something, and that they believe in me rather than just telling me how terribly hard it will be and that my chances are low.  I haven't even mentioned that I'm trying to get a manager down there, because I know that will be met with swift and strong disapproval and nay saying.
   On the friend and boys front, Heather and I no longer talk, and I have a new crush... I think.  I'm bad with boys.  But it's not like I should pursue anthing anyway if I'm leaving in four months.  Not that he'd be intersted anyway.  I'm such a mess, and my room is disgusting and I feel disgusting, but I'm emotionally exausted, and discouraged I don't know if I have it in me to do anything but sit here all day and think about how much I hate myself...  I hope I'm not the only one who gets this way.  I'm assuming I'm not, but right now I just feel like a 120 lb sack of shit.

Counting down the days.

At this point I'm having trouble keeping track of the days that I write and the days that I don't. Unfortunately today I've had peanut butter and honey toast for breakfast, peanut butter bars for lunch, and a peanut butter and honey sandwich for dinner. I don't know what is happening to me but I must be on a peanut butter and honey craze something. I am so thrilled to be going to San Francisco and I've started the hunt for apartments. there's one for 750 in the middle of the city but it sounds too good to be true so I'm worried I'm being scammed. My moms helping me out to make sure everything is okay. My dad is starting to be a dick again as usual. I don't know what's his problem is but if he keeps acting like this you can't really expect me to keep in touch after I'm not living in his house anymore. Even my mom is acting better than my dad is right now and that's really saying something. And my step moms being rude too. I just feel like I'm not being taken seriously in my own home... well it doesn't even really feel like my home anymore just feels like a place that I'm obligated to come to every day and sleep but San Francisco will be my home soon and that's going to be amazing.
I'm going to iron man tonight with friends. Some are close and some are just acquaintances, but one of them is kind of a new crush. He plays drums and is really polite. The only problem is that Im moving in about four months and nothing is going to stop me. Not god himself... No offense.
Anyone who reads this blog should be excited for me to move too, because I'll have a lot more to talk about! Wish me luck on my apartment search!

P.S. I weight 120... Still. I'm so terrible.