Day 7

I don't really have much time so I just took a picture of my journal. Sorry for not writing yesterday. Late night. I ate waayy too much, but I went on a hike to work it off. Not that that's an excuse. I gained a lb since I started the abc diet. But I've been doing well so I have no clue what's happening.  I'll give it another week, and if I don't lose anything I'm switching diets. This sucks. Maybe the Russian gymnast diet.

Third/fourth day

Sorry I forgot to write anthyhting yesterday.  It went great though.  I had a short run in the morning, and I ate lots of fruit and lettuce.  I stayed right at 300. Today's going to be just as good I think.  Today is a 400 calorie day, and so far all I've had is 90 calls of cottage cheese.  The rest of the days calories is are going to be from fruit.  I'm anxiously waiting for my package to arrive, because in that package is a fricken lot of clothes that I'm dying to wear. One of the things I love the most is clothes.  And one might say " oh that's normal for a teenage girl". But I really love clothes and trends and all that .   I just hope that when I move to Cali I won't stick out in a bad way.  My gramps was telling me about the sex trade stuff there, and I don't want to blatantly look like I have no clue what in doing or where I'm going but hey that's where acting comes in.  

Summer pretty nice and relaxing.  I'm so happy to have this new Ana buddy.  She's super cool and we're actually helping each other out.  I'm fully determined to finish this ABC diet, and she wants to, but she's having the problem I used to have.  Not focusing I or something, and having problems with cravings.  It's nice for me to be the one keeping the other person on track.  I don't know if I talked about this earlier, but I've been looking at my addiction to food the way someone would look at an addiction to alcohol.  So I admitted I had a problem ( over eating), found my own version of god, have been doing great controlling myself around food, (I don't really know the exact twelve steps) but now I feel like I'm on to e step of helping someone else.  She might not have the same weird things with food as I did, but its still helping me to be able to instruct and motivate her.  She's motivating me too.  And honestly I think it helps a little that we have the same name haha.  I love this. 45 more days of this doesn't sound like that long. And I'm not trying to jinx myself here, but I can't remember that last time I binged haha..  Thanks twelve steps!!  

Second day.

Well I ate over five hindered calories, buti burnt if off with exercise.  Tomorrow is a three hundred calorie day, and I think it will go pretty well. I just have to keep my self busy.  I'm cutting bread totally out of my diet now. It creates a problem with binging and stuff, it's better to just not have it at all. I'm getting all tan too, so that when's get skinny ill be tan and perfect too.  I can't wait!   And my clothes are coming Thursday! More tomorrow. I'd write more today but I'm so tired.  Plus nothing exciting use happening. 

First day!!

Well the first day of the ABC diet went ver well.  I ate:

1/2 cup of cottage cheese- 90

Grapefruit- 90 

Apple-20

Cheese-110

Lettuce and balsamic- 75

A roll-80

So 465 for the day. And for exercise I did a yoga ab work out for half an hour.

Today I went tanning, and over confident me thought 16 minutes would be fine because I had done that previous,y at a different salon, but they must have got some new bulbs or something, because indefinitely got burned today...

Yesterday I ordered a bunch of new clothes online and I'm soooo excited for them to get here.  They're the perfect thinspo clothes from high waist shorts, to cut off shirts.  If that's not motivation then  I don't know what is. That stuff will get here Thursday, so until then I have to sit and suffer.  I'm addicted to clothes as much as anything

Start ABC tomorrow!

Well it's a beautiful Sunday and I'm so excited to start the ABC diet tomorrow! The last couple days have been pretty easy and I haven't been eating over 500 calories, but I'm happy to be going on a program type thing.  I met another Ana buddy, she has the same name as me so when I text her i feel like I'm texting myself. Its weird.  Today I've had an apple, 3/4 of a grilled cheese, and like two tortilla chips.  I'm getting good at telling myself when to stop for the most part, even when high, which is the best thing ever.  I think it just takes a long while of mental preparation.  I'm getting nervous about moving to LA I've read about girls getting kidnapped into prostitution n stuff, and even though I don't think that would happen to me because I'm very city aware, it's still freaky, and I don't know anybody down there.  Work is fine I still have a helpless crush on the 35 year old...

The girl below is my latest thinspo. Her and Ariana grande :)

Work and play

Not much to speak of today so ill just start with what I ate.  I had a peanut butter and jelly sand which that I'm going to say was 450 calories because I don't want to under estimate. At work I had just lettuce and balsamic vinaigrette.  Total I guess I world be about 500 or525 calories today.  Work was long and boring and afterwards I went to a party where a really drunk guy hit on me.  It was nice evenif  he was only hitting on me because he was drunk he's cute after all.  Well that's all I have for today! Night,

Another relatively good day

This morning I woke up at eight to go to the dentist... Which wasn't the best way to start my morning, but its been convenient because the last thing you want to do after going to the dentist is eat.  When I got home I just surfed the web, tried to write a song, and now I'm relaxing and watching trailer park boys.  I'm not woking out today because I'm trying to start more gradually than I usually do.  I'll work up to working out everyday.  Today I eaten three fourths of as.green apple, and tonight I'm going to have a salad.  I have work for a few houris so I'll still get some walking in.  I've been trying to be back to normal with my mom.. Or more so; and for the last few nights I've been sleeping at my moms house. It's kind of weird, but if I'm around her in small doses its manageable.  We've both been trying.

Well I just back from work. It went all right I ate a little more than I wanted at work but I don't think I passed 500 calories total today.  Today I had four ounces of chicken, probably 250 calories; a small plumb, 15; and a small salad, which was probably 200 calories... And that green apple was ten. So total I've had 475- 510 calories.  I'm learning how to control my munchies. It's amazing.  It always puts me in a good mood when I can say no to food and leave it alone. Tomorrow I'm hiking and Zumba-ing.  

Back in Business baby!

well, i have to say, I'm embarrassed about my last post. While yes I did have a religious experience in that I kind of believe something greater is watching over me, the man I met was no messenger of god, because I'm sure he was spawned from hell. He was terrible. He didn't train me a all, he just pretty much verbally harassed me until I told him in detail how fat I think i am, and then
I'd have to tell him all about how men are superior to women and that he should make every decision of my life. I never really believed it, but I told him that anyway, because If I didn't, he wouldn't "train" me... He never really did. we have been separated once and for all, and I'm safe and sound and on the way to being thin. Yesterday I didn't eat much and worked out for forty minutes, today I haven't eaten anything yet but I'm planning on half of a low fat pita and a cup of carrots I've worked out a lot today and am writing this sunbathing in my back yard on a graduation present. The main difference between this new start and when I started my blog is I learned my biggest mistake: earlier, I would set goals of days, such as losing ten lbs in four days, or twenty lbs in a week and a half; when I wouldn't meet these unrealistic goals I'd get depressed and eat more and say " fuck it! Ill start a new diet ion a week.." We'll now I now to take it day by day. I'm not setting time limits on my weight loss and I'm just going to really think about things before I do them. I've started looking at things in terms of addiction. I really think everybody has an addiction, it doesn't matter where they come from or how clean they think they are. I've realized that I'm addicted to food and I'm using the twelve steps of food the same way an alcoholic would use the twelve steps, but instead of detoxing and cutting myself off completely at first, I'm weaning myself off. I'm very excited to commit to this lifestyle more strongly now. More later.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dinner was delicious. It was about a 500 calorie dinner, and then I ate some chocolate. Since I did about a 500 calorie workout this morning, my total calorie balance is probably about 200. Not too terrible; the chicken is healthy and everything, but I could have done with out the chocolate.  I need to work on making the calories I eat healthy calories.  I mean a calorie is a calorie but I'll get skinny faster if I make the calories I eat veggies and fruits.