I fail at everything

    This is going to be one of those self loathing, I hate myself kind of days so be prepared...
    I started off this morning with an invitation for breakfast from my mom.  Awesome.  Don't know what I was thinking, but I said ok.  My brother just got back from college so he came along too.  The idiot that I am ate a mushroom swiss omlette.  But all was well still.  Everyone was in a good mood, and my mom and I were being civil.  Then she says we can get clothes at Ross, (so she can buy clothes, but wont pay child support?) but I didn't care, that was nice of her to offer.  Then we go back to her house because I need to do some graduation stuff, everyones still in a good mood, and she shows us some special skis, ski boots, and ski skins that she's thinking about buying... cool mom thanks for that.  I'm glad now that summers almost here, that you find ski equipment more important than child support that she claims is too much, which even if we were a lower middle class family, it would probably not be too much. 
     I'm pretty excited about this whole San Francisco thing, so naturally I've been talking about it a lot.  Every single person that I've talked to it about with is very excited for me and is telling me how much fun it's going to be, and how much adventure I'll have.  That is everybody except for one person... My mom.  Rather than talk abut how much fun it'll be,  she's just saying how expensive it will be even "if" I get a job.  Like I didn't plan on getting a job the second I was able.  She says stuff like "It'll be fun if you can afford it", and "I support you going out there IF you have a job", how stupid does she honestly think I am?  Does she not register in her uncomprehending mind when I tell her that yes, I do know how expensive it is; and no, I haven't been 6 years old for quite some time, so I do understand the concept of a competitive job market and that's exactly what I've been planning for?  Why doesn't she get that I'm not a completely incompetant imbecile?  Being around that kind of attitude makes me so upset.  For once in my entire life, I'd really truly enjoy being told by the people in my family that I can do something, and that they believe in me rather than just telling me how terribly hard it will be and that my chances are low.  I haven't even mentioned that I'm trying to get a manager down there, because I know that will be met with swift and strong disapproval and nay saying.
   On the friend and boys front, Heather and I no longer talk, and I have a new crush... I think.  I'm bad with boys.  But it's not like I should pursue anthing anyway if I'm leaving in four months.  Not that he'd be intersted anyway.  I'm such a mess, and my room is disgusting and I feel disgusting, but I'm emotionally exausted, and discouraged I don't know if I have it in me to do anything but sit here all day and think about how much I hate myself...  I hope I'm not the only one who gets this way.  I'm assuming I'm not, but right now I just feel like a 120 lb sack of shit.