Random postings

I never have the time, or consistent schedule to write a blog everyday, and I need to quit promising every time I start to write again that I,ll write everyday, cause we all know that's not gonna happen.  Recently I've started hanging out with heather again.  We're having fun just like we used to, but I'm still keeping my reservations.  I don't want to be completely unprepared next time a new guy rolls into her life. I'm going to Hawaii in less than ten days and I'm so disgusting.  The thing is, a lot of the time when I'm not blogging, it means I'm in one of my depression phases where I eat and binge not because I want to, but because I get so hopeless and tell myself I'll restart in a day or two.  The day or two turns into weeks and I'm back where I started or worse.  I've been trying to wean myself off junk food and on my own its ok, but other people just don't get it. This morning my mom offered to go out and get me food for breakfast. I told her I want fruit; And I kid you not, she came back with a sugary muffin, a raspberry cream cheese cinnamon roll, and two very sugary chocolate lay and mocha-ey scones.  I can't believe it.  I took the cinnamon roll, but no one should have to go on a hike just to work off a small unfilling breakfast.

Oh my god!  Now I'm freaking out because yesterday I almost weighed 124 and just ten seconds ago I weighed myself and it said 130. How the hell is that even possible?!?!?!?? Ugh I hate this I have no idea what I'm doing, and why I'm staying so fat.