Today I had some raspberries and half a grapefruit for breakfast. For lunch I once again had 20 cherry tomatoes. They’re just so delicious haha. And since I have work today, for dinner I’m going to have a cup or two of lettuce and some balsamic vinaigrette. YUM! Total that’s about three hundred calories. And I biked for thirty-five minutes.
Today was my first full day back at school after spring break and it was just as uneventful as all the other days. I asked my one o my friends how their 400 calorie diet went yesterday and apparently they both ate dinner so I’m not as worried. I don’t want them to try it again though. The more times they try it the more they’ll feel the need to succeed.
Right now I’m sitting next to my fireplace because apparently spring time in Montana means 45 degree weather mingled with occasional snow. I hate it. I’m kind of paranoid right now because about four feet away from me my step mom is sitting. She can’t see what I’m typing; I just don’t want her to ask. I’m very off and on with her. When she first started dating my dad I was in sixth grade and she seemed pretty cool. As soon as she moved in with him she took over and put up about a million pictures of her dog while taking down other photos we had previously. By all means she can make herself at home, but I didn’t want her destroying mine. We fought a lot and got on each other’s nerves. And eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. My dad was just a walking talking puppet of her and I felt neglected. So rather than have the custody stay at two weeks with my mom and two weeks with my dad, I just lived at my mom’s all the time and spent every other weekend at my dad’s house; although I still hated her and never wanted to go over there at all. But I did because my mom made me. Then things really went to shit with my mom. She quit treating me like her daughter and started treating me like a juvenile delinquent that she was forced to take care of because there wasn’t enough room in the local prison. She yelled at me all the time, gave me absolutely no personal freedom and wondered why I didn’t go head over heels to do everything she asked. It wasn’t even that she gave me no freedom. I’m sure in that respect I’m more lucky than some kids. But she felt she always had to manipulate and turn herself into a victim. She trash talked me to my family to the point where I can hardly even think about my grandma without getting angry. She destroyed the closeness my brother and I had because she had manipulated him to her side of course; which couldn’t have been hard because he’s more of a follower than I have ever been. The only person I’ve ever talked to that understands how crazy my mom can be is my dad. So eventually when I became “out of control” for not wanting to come home at 10:30 on weekends, I decided it was better to leave and it was no secret that she wanted me gone. I moved back in with my dad and step mom and tried to calm the depressing thoughts in my head. My dad seems to have more of a mind of his own now so it’s a lot more bearable to live in this house. They treat me like an adult and give me my space which is amazing for two reasons. First of all, I feel like I’m actually allowed to have fun and I’m a lot more content with that. And second, it’s easier to pretend that I’m fine when nobody asks. My dad has never been the touchy feely “let’s talk about it” type, and I still don’t trust my step mom enough to tell her how I feel. Plus she only ever asks to talk when I’m clearly not ok; like she wants to get information from me or something. Life lesson number one: Anytime is a good time to ask a friend how they’re doing.
That’s just one of the reasons I get annoyed with her. She also can act really fake, be very rude to my dad sometimes, and she doesn’t laugh at his jokes. I know that’s a weird reason not to like someone, but it’s my dad and god damn it he deserves to have his jokes laughed at. The biggest reason why I dislike (d) her is because sometimes I get the vibe she’s trying too hard to be a family, or tries to act like my mom. I have a mom that lives 7 blocks away that I hate. I don’t need two. But we get along better than we used to at least. Not talking all that often is the way to get along with her.
Well I have to go to work now and eat my delicious lettuce! I hope everyone loved hearing about my step mom!
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