Another day Another dollar

   I've come to the conclusion that fasting just isn't for me.  Since I have bulimic tendancies, fasting will inevitably end in a binge.  Now sometimes these binges aren't bad, maybe 500 calories or so.  But I can't be the only one who has such an intense binge craving that it keeps you up at night and you're literally dreaming about it?  The binge I had before my last one was about 2,100 calories. I hated myself afterword, which now that I think about it is kindof funny because some normal people eat that much.  It just seems like a ton to me now.  Fasting actually causes me to gain weight.  The only way I could have a successful fast is if I went somewhere where there is no food at all.  Not eating for a couple days doesn't help me because of two reasons:
1) When you don't eat anything at all, your metabolism just shuts down and doesn't really burn much at all.
2) When you're like me, the second you decide to eat again it just makes it so you can't stop, and since you just spent days slowing down your metabolism, you're holding onto everything you just ate. every. little. thing.
  I was well enough to go to work friday and saturday night. I work in a restaurant and since I pretty much get free food, and I work in a salad station, I like to eat a quick little thing before work.  I'm putting emphasis on quick and little.  Sometimes that's all I'll eat during the day.  Anyway I'm getting off topic.  So on friday I show up a little late, but I'm only human and still wanted something to eat.  So I asked the other busser if I was able to eat something or if it was too busy.  She said she thought it was ok (even though I didn't give a shit. I'm her superior pretty much and I was gonna eat something anyway, I was just being polite... I guess).  So I ate a small roll with some turkey.  That's all.  Later in the night it was slowing way down and everyone was kind of running out of things to do.  So I go up to the busser and ask if she wants me to help fold; she declined.  So I ask her what she thinks i could do and she says "you could eat something", in the most snyde voice I've ever heard! I was so offended and hurt.  I just didn't know what to say. Those words have been running through my head constantly since. I made a vow never to eat at work again.  I know I'm gross and fat.  People don't need to point it out.  Some of my personal eating rules are:
1)EAT BREAKFAT.  If your gonna skip a meal, don't skip breakfast.  That'll make everything else useless.
2)Healthiness is usually the way to go.  You get more bang for your buck (fewer calories. more food)
3) Don't eat after seven. (I break this rule more than I'd like)
4) Water Water Water
And my most recent addition
5)No eating at my job ever. 
There are tons of other little rules i live by but those are the main ones.


THANKS FOR READING :)