Last night I spent the night at heathers house. We just drank, talked, and watched Gilmore girls pretty much. It was nice. I love spending time with her and I love her to death but lately I’ve been getting annoyed with her. It seems like all she has time to talk about is her and her own problems, and if I ever try to change the conversation she brings it back to her and some boy problems she’s having. I know boy problems can be tiring and mind consuming, but she’s constantly reminding me that all kinds of guys are into her (obsessively so) and the most action I’ve had with a guy in a while is breathing into a coat for two hours while a guy with terrible breath is sitting next to me probably wondering why I haven’t responded to any of his advances… yeah I’m lonely. I guess beggars can’t be choosers, but I don’t really want a boyfriend, I just want male attention (women right?).
This might sound weird, but hey none of you know me so I’ll be open. I kind of have a major crush on a guy twice my age… He works at the restaurant I work at, and since the first day I started there I’ve had some weird desire to “prove myself” to him. Not like sexually prove myself, I just want him to think I’m the coolest person ever, and I have no idea why. Granted lately I have been more “into him” than usually lately. But that’s neither here nor there.
Today once again due to the alcohol, my friend made me eat a bagel with cream cheese. Because of this I didn’t eat anything for the rest of the day until work, where I ate like two bites of grilled chicken because I had just done a really hard work out and needed to calm the grumbling of my stomach during work. I’ll just aim high and said I had about 525 calories today.
This probably belongs in with one of my other entries, but there’s this girl in my Gov class first period, and she is sometimes my sole thinspiration for the day. She comes to school practically every day with a muffin containing more calories than my entire day’s allowance. She pokes it prods it smashes it, makes it look disgusting, and eats it. It just grosses me out. And she’s pretty big. I don’t know if she fits the criteria for obese, but she’s gotta be close. Then in the next class I have with her she’ll be eating something else junky, and in the next class I have with her she’ll be eating something like carrots. Like that makes up for it. And she has bad foot odor sometimes, which I know doesn’t always have to do with weight, but It definitely is a contributing factor. Today in government I tried to take a candid camera photo to look at later (I know that sounds creepy), but my flash went off and my friend noticed. I said it was an accident though, and honestly who would assume I was lying at this point? She’s been my subconscious thinspo for a while now.
Nothing else crazy has happened today. Tomorrow should be another successful day! Thanks for reading the ramblings of me J
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