If there's one thing my period does to me, is make me crave things I swore I'd never eat again. I think it's also partially the exaustion that brings my will power into question. Today at school I was tired, grumpy, depressed, and worst of al bloated like a dead whale (If they bloat). I haven't had pizza in forever, and today I just snapped. I'm home right now because school would kill me off, and I ordered pizza, parmesean things, and cinna stix, oh and diet coke. The diet coke so I can purge it out more easily.
I've finally found an ana buddy that really know's what she's doing. I'm going to call her angel because in my eyes thats what she is! She's going to help me get down to 100 by summer. I only hope I can actually do it. I'm worried my lack of willpower will be my down fall. But I'm really going to try. I hate hating myself this much.... Still pumped for the pizza to get here though.
Gah I'm so pathetic. Anyone who reads this would probably think, "she's not anorexic, she's just a fat ass with a binging problem". And honesly I don't disagree with you. But when I have a craving for something special, i just physically can not stop thinking about it until I eat it.
I have about 70 days to lose twenty lbs. I know I can do it. I have to do it! I will be 100 lbs by june. I WILL. And I'll learn how to control myself and not let food control me. I need angels help and I know she'll help me. I really just have to be patient and not expect too much too soon. I want to be skinny so bad and I order pizza. Jeez.
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