I can sit here as long as I want and type away and it'll look like I'm doing something really important and business-like on the computer. I have the day off at the restaurant I work at. Today I'm working 10-2 at a clothing store. They say it's affordable attire but I beg to differ. I can't afford the clothes I sell here even when I have store credit, which sucks because the clothes here are super adorable. Today I'm doing one of those "big breakfast, skip lunch and dinner" type things. I woke up this morning thrilled to see that my thighs no longer touch when my knees touch (unless I really push them together), but even then I have a gap at the top. I might be going to a party tonight and I hate drinking, but inevitably someone always gives me a drink that i cant refuse. My relation ship with food is like my relationship with alcohol. I try to use it moderately, but inevitably I'll binge every now and again. I think I've said that before. Usually I bring weed because it always makes for a better night, but being cross faded is just like an emotional high.
Funnily enough the person who's party I'm going to I really dislike. We used to be really good friends. She would say "best friends" but that's because she has a new best friend evey week. When you're her best friend, everything is good and fun (kindof... she still takes advantage of you). And when she picks out a different friend she ignores you, belittle you, or acts like your friend to get something she wants. When I was friends with she used the fact that I was a nice person that wanted to please everybody, as an excuse to treat my like crap and do everything she wanted. She's just not a good person and it bothers me that she still has friends.
Yesterday I got stoned with a kid I'm on and off with, his friend, and my gay friend that I forgot my code name for. He embarassed me infront of both the straight guys. Sometimes I get the vibe that he's actually straight and just pretends to be gay because I hang out with him more than straight guys. He took me to a late night movie; granted I payed, but thats just another benefit of pretending to be gay. He always agrees with me, always asks who I'm into, and the other day he was complaining about a crick in his neck and while we were waiting for a friend he put his seat down and was just making me feel uncomfortable... I don't know. Call me conceited, but I just get the vibe sometimes.
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I started that yesterday at work and it picked up all of a sudden so I never got a chance to finish. I slept all day today and when I was awake my dad was hogging the computer. That's my excuse for today. I never went to that party, I just pretended that I fell asleep.And I heard it got crashed anyway so I was even less disappointed. Yesterday I binged on french toast and ice cream. Purged it up with my dad, step mom, and friend in the house, which is the first time I tried that. It went fine.
I think my friend Heather's eating disorder is resurfacing, but maybe that's just be projecting my emotions onto her. Angel never really texted me back after the first day, but that's ok because someone else texted me, and it seems like we have a lot more in common, and weight the same ammount down to the decimal so it will probably be more fun losing with her. Angel was already 103 lbs. I think I'm going to call my new ana buddy Anna on here, because it's really hard to remember the fake names I give people, but something tells me I'll be able to remember that. Our unified goal is 100 by end of may... well she said 105 but mine is 100. I think it'll work but I need someone to text throughout the day and so far we haven't texted that much. Ah well, I'll find someone who needs help as much as I do.
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